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Divorce the Nice Way

Stephanie Morrow - Apr 2010

Dissolving a marriage is never easy and can be both financially and emotionally draining. It is even harder if there is bad blood between you and your spouse, making it very tempting to take revenge through the legal system. However, there are many reasons to play nice during a divorce, and it goes beyond what is best for the children. 

Here are five reasons for taking the highroad during a divorce, from alleviating your conscience to protecting your finances.

Saving Money

Although it is difficult, divorce needs to be about preparing for the future, not reliving the past. If you and your spouse are on good terms, consider an uncontested divorce. This can be a much less expensive option than ongoing battles through attorneys. Working together to calculate marital assets and joint debts can be more fair and more efficient. Together you can also avoid acquiring additional joint debt, close any joint accounts and copy all important financial papers.

In addition, you should each open individual bank and credit card accounts before your divorce is finalized, because it's often easier to get a credit card and an individual bank account in your own name while you are still married. 

Protecting Your Credit

You and your spouse should pull your credit reports and together dispute anything that can be resolved. Contact the three major credit reporting agencies – Experian, Equifax and TransUnion – and obtain a copy of your credit report from each of these agencies. Cancel any joint credit cards and let the credit agencies know. Remember that if these cards remain open, each of you continues to share responsibility for any outstanding debt.

Playing Fair to Collect your Share

One of the first steps in divorce is taking a home inventory and deciding how assets will be divided. Together with your spouse, write down all information about assets and debts, and take pictures of property. Any assets you brought into the marriage yourself, whether it is a vehicle, an inheritance, or real estate, should continue to be yours. However, joint asset distribution must be decided upon before a divorce can be finalized.

One large asset that can be tumultuous if you and your spouse are not playing nice is your home. Unless you have children living in your house, you may want to work with your spouse in selling the home and dividing the money appropriately. This can also be a great step to starting fresh for both you and your spouse.

Joining Forces on Joint Tax Returns

Both you and your spouse are liable for taxes on joint returns. Working through taxes is much easier if you can work together. This can help minimize the amount of taxes you and your spouse owe.

Yes...It is better for the kids

You will need to protect your children both emotionally and financially; make sure to check the beneficiaries of your will, pension plan, trusts, IRAs and life insurance to protect your children. If your spouse remains the primacy benefactor, he or she could end up receiving a windfall is something happens to you, and there's no guarantee the money will make it into your children's hands. Protecting children goes beyond child support payments: it begins with parents playing nice. Each state has guidelines to calculate child support for children.

Many states have different divorce laws and regulations, so you will need state-specific information to be sure you're following the proper steps. Try Googling "divorce [and your state]" to learn more, or visit LegalZoom today.

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Comments

Submitted by Anonymous on Mar 22, 2010 - 6:51PM

How do you get a divorce from someone who left you and a nine year old son and a ninteen year old daughter seven years ago. He walked out the door and has not been seen since. How do I get a divorce and I can not find him. He does not work anywhere that we can find. We have his social security number but can not locate him. He has never paid any child support. Not since he walked out seven years ago. I want to go forward in my life. How can I divorce him. In the state of Maryland. I have filed against him with social services. They say that they could not find him?

Submitted by LegalZoom Suzanne S. on May 19, 2010 - 9:55AM

Hi there, thanks for your question. Unfortunately, while our company does make creating legal documents easy and affordable, we can't give specific legal advice about divorcing an absent spouse. If you want help finding an attorney, try our attorney referral network: http://attorneyconnect.legalzoom.com

Submitted by Anonymous on Mar 29, 2011 - 4:11PM

in most states after 3 uyears you are able to get a divorce with out the others sinmature,, go to the courthouse and request divorce papers, fill them out and return them,,,,if you were to e-mail me his name and ss number,, i bet i could find himm in half an hour,,, you are not looking the right places,,,,,u have to get creative,,, and think ,,where does his family live, what kinda job did he last have,,,friends??it will all lead you to him

Submitted by margo epstein on Mar 22, 2010 - 7:32PM

I would like to explore the reality of successfully filing for a legal divorce through legalzoom.com My husband and I are separated, and i am confident that we can execute a fair and reasonable divorce that is uncontested.. we have talked about it at length, but we own a home, have two children in college. My instinct is that although we do not have much in the way of financial assets, very little in fact - own a home, insurance policies and a very small retirement account.. that filing online is just not optimal for us. before i pay the $269 fee, i would like to get a sense of how successful our filing would be

Submitted by Anonymous on Mar 24, 2010 - 8:48PM

My husband and I filed an uncontested divorce several years ago through a lawyer that charged us $500+. Basically the lawyer was not making much money off of us so he took his time. I filed in August and it took him until December to file the papers with the court. I had to keep calling him and e-mailing him to find out where we stood. When he finally did file, I read the papers and there were misspelled words and other grammar errors. It looked like I had written them myself. The divorce was final in April, but when I think about that experience I believe I could have done a better job through legal zoom. I would have saved some money and I would have been divorced much faster.

Submitted by LegalZoom Suzanne S. on May 19, 2010 - 9:06AM

Hi Margo, LegalZoom offers Uncontested Divorce documents which you may be able to use. Give us a call (1-800-773-0888, 7am-6pm PST, M-F) or send us an email (psinfo@legalzoom.com) if you have questions. Or get started right away at: http://www.legalzoom.com/legal-divorce/divorce-overview.html

Submitted by Lisa Galt jones on Mar 22, 2010 - 9:46PM

Great Articles for you Edite!

Submitted by Michael on Apr 12, 2011 - 5:47PM

recently divorced (3/22/10), crazy love sometimes...
anyhoo found some comfort in this post. thx, michael

Submitted by HRG on Apr 23, 2010 - 10:30AM

i married a woman in Oct of 2009 and after doing so i realized that she married me for legal status. i want to find the quickest way to get out of the situation and would file for a divorce, but i think an annulment would be quicker, i need adivce on what to do and how to go about doing it. i dont want to have her consent because i dont think she will give it to me. i hate her and her family for tricking me into doing this. i feel used and horrible and i just want it gone.

Submitted by LegalZoom Brian R. on May 18, 2010 - 11:38AM

Hi HRG. Thanks for your Question. We're sorry to hear of your situation and extend our best wisehs to you. Do keep in mind that LegalZoom helps people create their own legal document, but we really can't provide legal advice. We can help you find a lawyer with our attorney referral network: http://attorneyconnect.legalzoom.com

Submitted by Anonymous on Apr 30, 2010 - 7:08AM

after filing for a divorce how long do have before you have.before you have to file again.I filed in 2007,but have not taken the papers to court.

Submitted by LegalZoom Brian R. on May 26, 2010 - 9:18AM

Laws about filing for divorce can vary from state to state, so you might try contacting your local court for more information. Or, to search for an attorney who could advise you on this matter, try our attorney referral network at: http://attorneyconnect.legalzoom.com

Submitted by Anonymous on Jul 29, 2010 - 3:55AM

If you have a married couple, the man wants the divorce and the woman doesn't. No assets (other than they each have their own vehicles and personal items, furniture, etc.) including no home ownership. How much of a problem would the man have in getting a divorce? She also says she will sue the woman that is dating the man. Is that true? I've never heard of it.

Submitted by REP on Oct 1, 2010 - 7:34PM

I was married outside of the US 42 yrs. ago and we separated after living together for 8 years.My husband is now living with another woman in our native country.He and I are both legal immigrants in the US.We don't have any conjugal property here since we did not live here together and he only stays with my daughter every time he comes.Our children are of legal age and all married.I want to get a divorce here in US.I think it will be a non contestable one.How long will the divorce process be and approximately how much money will I spend for the whole process?Thanks

Submitted by LegalZoom Suzanne S. on Oct 7, 2010 - 11:25AM

Hello, and thanks for your inquiry. LegalZoom offers documents which might be able to assist you with your situation Give us a call (1-800-773-0888, 7am-6pm PST, M-F) or send us an email (psinfo@legalzoom.com) so that we can address your concerns in further detail. Or get started right away at: http://www.legalzoom.com/legal-divorce/divorce-overview.html

Submitted by Kailey on Dec 7, 2011 - 7:50PM

Why do I bohetr calling up people when I can just read this!

Submitted by Anonymous on Jan 11, 2011 - 6:23PM

Is a dissolution of marriage in (OH) the same thing as a divorce?

Submitted by Anonymous on Feb 6, 2011 - 5:19PM

Hi, I live in NY and want to file for an uncontested divorce.My wife and I have lived apart for almost 3 years but have never filed for a legal separation. Do we need to be legally separated before I can file for divorce?

Submitted by M.MASTROGIOVANNI on Nov 9, 2011 - 5:12PM

I AM MALE MARRIED 46 YEARS, YES!,,, VERY SICK WITH LUNG DISEASE,, HAVE 2 FAMILY HOUSE PAYING ALL MEDICAL INSURANCE AND PROPERTY TAXES AND HEATING BILLS, WATER BILLS., ETC,,, GOING BROKE,,I AM 71 AND MY WIFE IS 72,, HAS HORDING DISEASE , RELIGIOUS HANGUPS, WILL NOT COOK , CLEAN MY HOME, MAKE BILLS OUT, WILL NOT MOVE TO A SENIOR COMPLEX JUST TO STAY NEAR HER CHURCH AND SISTERS,, JUST CANT PUT UP WITH THIS UNREASING TO MAKE LIFE EASYER MM MT HOME LOOKS LIKE A DUMP ,,, FILTY WITH DUST,,,,!!!! AND DIRTH,,, NOT GOOD FOR A PERSON WITH LUNG DISEASE,, SHE WILL NOT CLEAN THE HOUSE OR DO ANYTHING ELSE TO BETTER MY LIFE,, I AM INTERESTED IN A UNCONTESTED DIVORE GIVING HER ALL OF EVERYTHING IN THE HOME, 1/2 OF ANY MONEY LEFT, 12 YEAR OLD CAR, WHATEVER IS REQUIRED TO BE LEGALLY SEPERATE FROM HER CAUSING ME TO GO BANKRUPT,, THE IDEA IS TO BE LEGALLY SEPERATED, EVEN IF WE LIVE IN THE SAME HOUSE,, WE ARE ON S/S AND I CANT SUSTAIN THE COST OF A 2 FAMILY HOUSE, AND NOT BEING ABLE TO BETTER MYSELF DUE TO MARRIAGE!!!!.....THANKING YOU ,,,


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