The divorce process in 7 steps

Divorce is an emotional process, which can muddy the process of negotiating practical matters surrounding money, assets, and legal rights. Navigating through your state’s divorce proceedings on your own can be a herculean task, even for the bravest of souls.

Don’t worry—you’re not alone! This article breaks down the divorce process into seven simple steps and explains how an attorney can bring order to the chaos, providing you with a much-needed source of stability and wisdom.

The divorce process at a glance 

The divorce process entails the following steps: 

1. Preparing to file 
2. Filing divorce petition
3. Serving divorce petition
4. Receiving petition response
5. Requesting temporary orders
6. Going to trial or settling
7. Getting the divorce decree

State laws govern the process, so there could be slight variation in the steps. A local attorney can guide you through your jurisdiction’s divorce rules and explain how they apply to your unique situation.

Now, let’s break it down step-by-step in further detail.

1. Prepare to file 

Divorce is a major and permanent life change, so the best thing you can do is be prepared. Before jumping into the legal paperwork, there are a few things you can do to lay the groundwork for a smoother process.

Familiarize yourself with state requirements

Before you start filling out paperwork, make sure you meet your state’s requirements for divorce.

• Residency requirement. All states require you to be either a state resident for a certain period—typically six months to a year—before you can file for divorce. 
• Mandatory separation period. Some states require a mandatory separation period before you can file for divorce. The length of the separation period varies and can even include specific living arrangements. Learn these rules so that if there is a mandatory separation clause, you can get started on it.
• Waiting period. Some states require a waiting period between the time the papers are filed to the time a divorce hearing can proceed.
• Marital property vs. separate property. Determine which of your assets are considered marital property vs. separate property so you can negotiate more effectively. For instance, in community property states, you can expect the court to do a 50-50 split of all property acquired during the marriage. In equitable distribution states, the courts will evaluate the earning power, financial needs, age, and health of each spouse before dividing property.

Consult a divorce attorney

One of the most proactive steps you can take is to get legal representation early in the process. Their experience and expertise can protect your rights and minimize stress during this difficult time. A divorce attorney will be familiar with your state’s legal requirements and can analyze your case to recommend the best path forward, putting you in control of your divorce process. 

Establish grounds for divorce 

Why do you want a divorce? All states allow for no-fault divorce, meaning that you do not need to provide a specific reason for divorce. Before these laws were enacted, a couple had to meet at least one of a few specific grounds for divorce—known now as an “at-fault” divorce.

Some states still allow for at-fault divorce, where one party claims the other is responsible for the breakdown of the marriage. The specific grounds for an at-fault divorce could be difficult scenarios like domestic violence, child abuse, adultery, or neglect. However, proving fault can make the divorce process expensive and time-consuming.

2. File the divorce petition

A divorce starts with at least one spouse filing a divorce petition, a legal document that informs the court you want to dissolve your marriage. The petition includes important information regarding the marriage. It names both spouses and any children involved, and states if there is any separate property or community property, child custody, and child or spousal support requests involved.

The petition is written by one spouse (the petitioner) and served on the other spouse. The petition is then filed in a state court in the county where one of the spouses resides. It does not matter where the marriage occurred.

3. Serve the divorce petition

Next, divorce papers must be served to your spouse and proof of service is filed with the court. This step gives them the heads-up that a divorce case has been opened. You also may wish to hire a process server or ask your county sheriff to deliver the papers, which is especially helpful if your spouse is difficult to locate, consider hiring a professional process server or a county sheriff to deliver the papers. States have varying requirements on how the papers can be served; New York requires the process server to be a state resident, while Hawaii allows divorce documents to be served via registered mail.

Proper service and filing of proof of service is crucial for moving forward, as serving the divorce papers starts the clock running on your state's waiting period and helps establish the date of separation.

4. Receive the divorce petition response

The respondent party needs to sign an acknowledgment of the receipt of service. They also need to provide a response—do they accept or contest the terms presented in the petition? This establishes the date of service.

Once served, the other spouse, also known as the respondent, gets a limited time to reply—usually 30 days. If they don’t respond, the courts may grant you a default (uncontested) divorce and dissolve your marriage immediately.

5. Request temporary orders

A divorce can take several months to years, and certain crucial matters like financial support, marital property distribution, and child custody require immediate attention. 

Many couples request a temporary order from the court to address these issues while the divorce proceeds on the sidelines. A temporary order provides legally binding guidelines for spouses to follow. 

Temporary orders issued by the court help address pressing matters like the following: 

• Primary physical custody of children
• Child support and visitation arrangements
• Spousal support
• Division of marital property like a family home or car 
• Payment of attorney’s fees

Temporary orders are valid till the final divorce decree is issued or until the court modifies the order. 

Temporary orders and child custody matters

Even in temporary orders, the court will decide matters pertaining to a child's life, like child custody and visitation rights, based on what they feel is best for the child. If the court feels a parent is unfit for joint custody, they can grant "sole legal custody" to one parent and give the other parent visiting rights.

How to get a temporary order

The process of getting a temporary order is similar to that of getting a divorce. It starts with filing a motion or petition for temporary orders that let the judge know your request and why. You’ll next have to properly serve the temporary order motion to your spouse and give them a chance to reply. If both spouses agree to the terms, temporary orders can be granted without a hearing. Otherwise, a court date will be set and the judge will make the final call. 

Remember that each state has its own statutory requirements. Some states allow you to file temporary petitions alongside your divorce petition. A divorce lawyer can explain your state’s laws and ensure you don’t overlook any key issues in your temporary order.

6. Final steps of a divorce: settle or go to trial 

This is usually the most time-consuming part of the divorce process, and it’s hard to predict how long it will take. The timeline for trial looks different based on whether you have a contested vs. uncontested divorce, the complexity of issues involved, and how busy your local court is. 

Uncontested divorce 

You can easily move forward with the paperwork if both you and your spouse agree to all marital terms like alimony, child custody, asset division, and child support. Both parties have to submit the signed settlement agreement to the court for review. The divorce will be granted if the judge finds the agreement fair, abiding by the state's filing and residency rules, and in line with any child(ren)’s best interest. Once the court enters the judgment, the divorce is final.

You can also choose to work with a mediator, a neutral third party, or undergo a collaborative divorce to sort through marital issues. These alternatives save time, are less expensive, and give spouses more control over the outcome of their divorce. Some states even mandate mediation before going to litigation. 

Contested divorce

If there are disputes that cannot be resolved, court hearings and maybe even a trial will be required. The trial process involves arguing your case before a judge or jury, providing supporting evidence like financial statements, and calling in witnesses to support your claims.  

The trial process requires a lot of prep work and evidence gathering, known as “discovery.” Both spouses must disclose information regarding their assets, liabilities, income, and expenses. 

You’ll most likely have to submit an abundance of documents: 

• Banks statements
• Credit card statements
• Paystubs
• Appraisal evaluations
• Life insurance policies 
• Tax returns 

The court will consider all matters and evidence presented alongside state laws governing the custody and property division before delivering their judgment. 

7. Receive the divorce decree

The final step in the divorce process, whether uncontested or contested, is when the judge signs the divorce decree, also known as an order of dissolution. This court order officially ends the marriage and specifies the details regarding custodial responsibility and parenting time, child and spousal support, and the division of assets and debts, thereby clarifying how to move forward after this challenging period. 

You need the divorce decree to remarry or terminate certain spousal rights—it’s legal proof that your marriage ended. 

Divorce may not be the outcome you imagined, but an experienced divorce lawyer can help you navigate the legal maze so you can focus on taking care of yourself. They'll be your voice during this difficult phase, advocating for your rights and needs.

FAQs

How long does a divorce take? 

Most divorces take around nine months to a year to be finalized. Factors such as type of divorce (contested vs. uncontested), state residency requirements, and complexity of issues impact the divorce timeline. No-fault and uncontested divorces are the quickest to resolve. 

Do I need a lawyer to get a divorce?

No, by law, you don't need legal representation for divorce. However, getting legal counsel is the best thing you can do to ensure a favorable outcome. In complicated cases where there's contention about property division or custody, a skilled attorney can make the compelling arguments to influence the court's decisions. 

What is mediation in the divorce process?

In mediation, both spouses agree to work with a mediator, a trained neutral party, to iron out their differences. The mediator doesn't pass a judgment as the courts, instead they guide spouses to find a middle ground. This out-of-court process is different from litigation as it’s based on collaboration rather than competition.  

What is a legal separation?

Legal separations are different from divorces. In a legal separation, a couple agrees to lead separate lives but are still legally married. There may be some financial obligations and child custody terms in a formal separation agreement, similar to a divorce. Some couples prefer a legal separation over a divorce because of religious or personal beliefs or parental commitments. A lawyer can help decide what is best for your situation: a legal separation or divorce.